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No parent should bury their child.

That was the phrase from Lord of the Rings - Return of The King.

It was keep looping in my ears on and on and on these days. Starts when i was sick the first week of Ramadhan. Maybe i was being overdramatically about it ... I felt i were to die... And that would make my parents so sad cuz they already lose their child... My older sister, back in 1990.

Since my grandma back from the hospital last May, she was staying with us until now. I mean at my parents house. Her condition when she was in the hospital was critical. It was very fortunate that she survived when everyone were sort of ready for any bad news. Alhamdulillah she is getting better now. 

But you know, its when Allah want things happened it is kun fa ya kun. I dont know how to make it into a nice statement but jodoh, ajal is Allah's secrets .... Its already written down.. And when He wants it to happen... It will happen. 

So last Saturday, i was watching Skyfall on Fox. Called my mom in the middle of the movie, i forgot that some siblings of my dad were there for a little iftar together. So didn't talk much. After the movie finished, i got into my room and continue beading for my mom's baju raya. About 1 something, i heard the phone ringing. I felt something but totally ignored it. I was a bit of feeling to convince myself that maybe my little bro called to talk to my younger sister.  Then my sister knocked on the door.. She said 'Ateh is gone...' I wanted to digest but i just couldnt. I thought of the cause could be some heart failure or hypertension cuz she always got her bp high.. My sister said something like if i dare to drive n back now. Which i felt like ok cuz i thought its only 12 something... 

Then my mom called again and i answered the call.. I asked what happened.. How she died.. Mom said accident... I began to cry n my body started shaking. I asked all the stuff.. She began to cry when she heard my sob sob voice. Ateh had 3 children. 1 boy, and 2 girls. Aged 14, 10 and 4. The kids were all okay, but my uncle had some injuries but he knew about my aunt. Anyway my aunt was my mom's youngest sister. 

Knowing that the cause was the accident, i told my mom that i didnt feel able to drive. So she asked if i could go back with my uncle. Her youngest brother currently resides in bangi. So i tried to call and got to speak to him from the 2nd attempt. So he picked us cuz our crib was actually on the way, it was 2 something in the morning. We arrived in the hospital around 3 and back in the house around time for sahur. The jenazah were brought back to our place... And the sad thing was when my mom n her sister who lives next door tried to tell my grandma about the news. My uncle were there too to console her. But she didnt cry at all. I managed to see her crying when the relatives came over and hugged her. 

The funeral were smooth Alhamdulillah. The cemetery is only few doors away from our house. The husband was still in the hospital... I was so pity him... Kept feeling guilty cuz he was very sleepy when the car got lost in control n hit the 4wheels. 

He has no chance to see his wife funeral... :(

The kids were staying with my mom for the moment lucky that they are all close to my grandma so my grandma keeps consoling them. But they were so tough.. Could be cuz they saw their mother death in their own eyes... All of them were awake at the moment.. 

...... 
I cant continue.. You know the kids were tougher than me.. Cuz until now, i still just cant believe it and yes it still feel like a dream. A nightmare, i just have to wake up.. 



.. Amylia.

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