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Envious?

That’s the big word for today. After one to another. Whether the word is actually suits best for whole the events happened today, I am not so sure. But all I know is, yes I’m a bit envy.

Friday was supposed to be an anticipated day of the week. But I began to face it with no feelings. Having the crib full of girls (the cousin who stay here half permanently – the room snatcher, my cousin – her sister and the cousin’s officemate – who engaged with a very nice guy who came from the wealthy family) Just perfect for Friday morning. I have no idea of why I was feeling a bit blue. But that’s just what I felt. Sometimes I felt a bit pity to those innocent people who I secretly dislike. But I think I just can’t stop from feeling that way.

I did make a scene in the LRT this morning involving to this shouldn’t-be-named-race girl who is selfish, attitude husky voice who never knows what “Sorry” meant for. She purposely or not for all I cared, hit me when she tried to get into the train and didn’t say Sorry and when I hit her back purposely or not for all I care again, she in her ugly husky voice said out loud, ‘Excuse Me!!’ As if I groped her A-cup + need more padding bra - boobs for Heaven Sake!

I …. Unfortunately always think I am better than the rest of whores. I said Sorry although I didn’t really mean it.. but I did. Pity amy. You will always be stepped down and down and down.

I took a walk from Avenue K to my working place thinking what was wrong, since Wednesday I got very very upset on all things. I began to think of the things which I should have forgotten right now. And wonder when will thing be fine. How would it turn out fine if I didn’t get myself right in the first place? And what should I do?

The questions left unanswered. I was busy in the office while thinking of my income and monthly budget. Money rules nowadays. Still I saw rich people everywhere. Maybe I was at the wrong place? I should be more grateful I know if I were at the right place. Suddenly I began to be a bit snob. I hope my inner mind could rule my bad-attitude these days. I just wanna be normal.

Owh yeah what else. The mommies (group of college mates all married and have children now ) planned for some li’l reunion – turned to be a li’l family. The mommies chasing the kids, breastfeeding the kids, daddy chatting and shared the career talk and mommies what? – matching hers and hers for future marriage. If it obviously a family day, say.. what should I bring? My scandal? When the mommies busying breastfeeding I might be busying boobs-feeding :D

The envious was there. Who wouldn’t. That’s a nice normal life. Dated in college, graduated, get married, married and still (at least) happy. Who am i.. a single mingle girl who don’t actually mingle around ++ with a li’l envy in her heart. I am so Bridget Jones alive.

So, it’s the envious that I felt. Well I think temporarily it will faded away. I just washed the face and saw me in the mirror. I’m not a bad looking girl. I am ok. And my life might be not as great and normal and simple as how I defined the terms but I’m doing ok.

Sometimes being OK is not that bad at all. Or yeah.. envious. It won’t go away. It’s like your sister.




Blogged by Amylia @ 14/06/08 : 0124 hrs

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