The previous blog entry was the prologue of this blog entry.
At first, i was thinking to just make this blog private cuz things are getting too intimate and personal, I just dun wanna share. But I wanna write. well.. then again I thought what the hell.. its my blog, its my life. And not much people reading it. Might be some silent readers who keep silent. I'd appreciate it.
So. The story begins last month, out of sudden. I decided to finally google my ex's facebook. This is my ex during the last semester in college. Fortunately, someone from my college too and I admit, he was different. Not that I never fall in love before him, but I thought he was the first. of Everything cuz I knew once I fell for him, I wanted marry him.
But of course, I am not a wife material. not a Perfect gf and things didnt work out. It was really devastated. We actually kept in touch once a while thru emails, texts and calls. Most of the conversation made me angry and hurt. I remembered the last time I called him. His caller ringtone was bob Marley's No women No cry. I doubted he was thinking of me. Sometimes I felt like he really hates me. We bumped into each other also sometimes. I think around 3 times or so. His friend was my old friend, and it was very very awkward.
So, the moment I decided to trace him. I already kept my heart strong enough to see his wife. But I saw his facebook and friendster. No sign of gf.. or wife. So I sent him message through YM. I said, 'can we befriends back?'
I hope he was grown up now and we are grown ups. Matured and of course I wanna be friends with him again. He was this fun person to hang out with. So thats it, I know I am not the type he wants to be with or marry to. So just friends.
I never heard from him, I guess he probably doesnt want to turn back ya? So I had forgotten about it for a while until last Eid Adha. He messaged me thru YM. And he was just like himself after the breakups. Quite annoying .. well a bit. But I was happy that we talked again. I mean after 6 years of separation. He was there. Connected.
But, well.. the next day We already had fight. I poured all my sadness to Nabil. How stupid I was and What was I thinking? Does it really worth for me and my ex to befriends again.. and whats the purpose of it? I dun have any answer to that. i wasnt really thinking when I tried to contact him at the 1st place. It went so fast.
after 3 days or so, he texted me. And I kinda been good to him. I have this weakness that I could never ignore anybody. Well.. of course to people I cared about. Then I found out, I still care for him. I might still like him. Gosh..
The next day, he annoyed me. Until this moment I told him stuff that made him to cool down a bit. I saw, he was trying. But I dunno whats the purpose. He texted me and asked for a relationship. Of course I ignored it. I thought he was joking. Again he was always this annoying.
But somehow, we met that nite. And he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I didnt answer but I kissed him. I dunno how he took it. A rejection, a Yes? By now, he might have a clue. But I am not. I still have no idea whats inside his mind. Whats in his heart.
The whole night I had butterflies in my stomach. Its really made me nervous and I had the sleepless nite. He was actually there, right beside me. Hugging me, holding my hand. I remembered his hand. I missed that touch. really, all coming back to me now. I still love him :( 6 years ago whenever I missed him and cried at nites, I would never thought of having him with me anymore. but.. how long of this would last?
and.... he might hurt me again. what if.. i'd be so so hurt.
Hushgirl currently listening to : Eternity | Robbie Williams
At first, i was thinking to just make this blog private cuz things are getting too intimate and personal, I just dun wanna share. But I wanna write. well.. then again I thought what the hell.. its my blog, its my life. And not much people reading it. Might be some silent readers who keep silent. I'd appreciate it.
So. The story begins last month, out of sudden. I decided to finally google my ex's facebook. This is my ex during the last semester in college. Fortunately, someone from my college too and I admit, he was different. Not that I never fall in love before him, but I thought he was the first. of Everything cuz I knew once I fell for him, I wanted marry him.
But of course, I am not a wife material. not a Perfect gf and things didnt work out. It was really devastated. We actually kept in touch once a while thru emails, texts and calls. Most of the conversation made me angry and hurt. I remembered the last time I called him. His caller ringtone was bob Marley's No women No cry. I doubted he was thinking of me. Sometimes I felt like he really hates me. We bumped into each other also sometimes. I think around 3 times or so. His friend was my old friend, and it was very very awkward.
So, the moment I decided to trace him. I already kept my heart strong enough to see his wife. But I saw his facebook and friendster. No sign of gf.. or wife. So I sent him message through YM. I said, 'can we befriends back?'
I hope he was grown up now and we are grown ups. Matured and of course I wanna be friends with him again. He was this fun person to hang out with. So thats it, I know I am not the type he wants to be with or marry to. So just friends.
I never heard from him, I guess he probably doesnt want to turn back ya? So I had forgotten about it for a while until last Eid Adha. He messaged me thru YM. And he was just like himself after the breakups. Quite annoying .. well a bit. But I was happy that we talked again. I mean after 6 years of separation. He was there. Connected.
But, well.. the next day We already had fight. I poured all my sadness to Nabil. How stupid I was and What was I thinking? Does it really worth for me and my ex to befriends again.. and whats the purpose of it? I dun have any answer to that. i wasnt really thinking when I tried to contact him at the 1st place. It went so fast.
after 3 days or so, he texted me. And I kinda been good to him. I have this weakness that I could never ignore anybody. Well.. of course to people I cared about. Then I found out, I still care for him. I might still like him. Gosh..
The next day, he annoyed me. Until this moment I told him stuff that made him to cool down a bit. I saw, he was trying. But I dunno whats the purpose. He texted me and asked for a relationship. Of course I ignored it. I thought he was joking. Again he was always this annoying.
But somehow, we met that nite. And he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend. I didnt answer but I kissed him. I dunno how he took it. A rejection, a Yes? By now, he might have a clue. But I am not. I still have no idea whats inside his mind. Whats in his heart.
The whole night I had butterflies in my stomach. Its really made me nervous and I had the sleepless nite. He was actually there, right beside me. Hugging me, holding my hand. I remembered his hand. I missed that touch. really, all coming back to me now. I still love him :( 6 years ago whenever I missed him and cried at nites, I would never thought of having him with me anymore. but.. how long of this would last?
and.... he might hurt me again. what if.. i'd be so so hurt.
Hushgirl currently listening to : Eternity | Robbie Williams
