Musical Life of Hushgirl

It is another working weekend and im killing time to blog. It doesnt excite me to blog since im not emo at all. I miss Nabil. Not really sure what kinda of missing is this. Definitely not the same kind he has to me but thats purely my assumption. He said i might be wrong. Hmm 🤔 Its kinda like missing Chris Martin. Somebody u listen to too much but u know u wont get him in the end. Well, also same as with missing my old xman. The soulmate , you know. Hurm,  maybe i shud miss myself me. Me in Bali. Yes i miss Bali. Your love shines

I finally asked my bff a random question ive been shooting other bff to. Lol So I confessed that I have been stalking my ex- soulmate instagram account. I mean how wouldnt i do it? I was already lost n depressed. I thought it wont affect me. Indeed, it did. Fucking hard. But seeing his chubby yet high cheekbones put a smile on my face. You know the feeling when somebody who used to make you happy and hurt on the same time, its twisted yes, but im so glad i am happy seeing him happy! Even my bff agreed he has a nice life. Good job, pretty wife and cutest couple of baby girls. Yes im happy. I never seen my life having all that. Maybe thats the reason. I love you anyways. :) This is the last emotional entry I'll try

This is gonna be the 1st entry of 2018.  I just realized that there was no single entry in 2017. I am not surprised though cuz 2017 was indeed a worst year. And i just couldnt wait to finish it.  Anyway, the post title is actually the song I am currently listening to.  Also, this gonna be the 3rd version of my blog life. The first was 2002 to 2007 I think. I deleted all the post cuz I couldnt deal with the bitterness. Still i cant actually move on if you ask me.  The 2nd part of my blog life was 2008 to 2016. Guess what, there were still some same persons. Bitter became sweet then bitter again.  C'est la vie. So, something happened last week. I came across instagram of my two men I once called my man. Aww, they look happy. There look like they got what they want and yes they look ridiculously happy. At least, happier than me. Well, I know happy is subjective but seeing them happy, I felt happy too. Then I felt lost. Then I emailed Nabil ...

For once in many years, I started to listen to this song. The song I regard as the suicidal song. Yep. How depressing.. Isn't all radiohead songs depressive.. I dunno. It is hard to admit I'm actually heartbroken. For once in many many years I thought I could stay jomblo kayak ginih. Truly I really couldn't live with this one I knew I could never have. And maybe, the one I don't wanna have. You know? But the thought of not having him in my life is really hurting. It is painful, it is like standing in the rain and not feeling wet or cold cause you're dead inside. And you know, it's not love. Yes? Then what it is? I wish I knew. And I wish .... Rain down, rain down Come on rain down on me From a great height From a great height... height... Rain down, rain down Come on rain down on me From a great height From a great height... height... Rain down, rain down Come on rain down on me

If you know my story, or if this blog still has the original entries, you sure do know that how excited I'd be with the second part of this movie. Yes as per the title. Of cuz it was related with my old man. The ex. Not that we used to go to a movie and watched it together, it was my fave even before I met him. Then when we were met, I shared to him all of my fave things. Including this, also the song Tentang Seseorang which I played in the background of our phone conversation in the wee hours. I have no idea when it became his favorite as well. But I know when he started to call me Cinta. Just like the main cast name. Just Lyke the movie, our relationship suddenly ended. I had hard times trying to forget him. Attempting to accept a new guy in my heart was really hard, and moving on?? He was indeed, my first love. And just like the movie too, we had our second chances. And toward the end, I really believe that, that was love. I was in love, he loves me. That was the closure...

I wonder what guys were thinking or feeling at the moment they held somebody hands and doing the akad..  Seriously what could be the real feeling?

Maybe he is dead. 

Flock of birds  Hovering above  Into smoke  I'm turned and rise,  following them up  Still I always look up to the sky  Pray before the dawn  Cause they fly away  One minute they arrive  Next you know they're gone  Fly on Fly on, ride through  Maybe one day  I'll fly next to you  Fly on, ride through  Maybe one day  I can fly with you  Fly on

I miss sharing things with you Honestly and humblely..  I miss you

I think of you I haven't slept I think I do But, I don't forget My body moves Goes where I will But though I try my heart stays still It never moves Just won't be led And so my mouth waters, to be fed And you're always in my head You're always in my head This, I guess, is to tell you you're chosen out from the rest...

There was that one moment when I was still with my ex and my best friend Tutie was single. It was weird cuz she usually with someone and I was the one who usually single. So, one day she said - i think u will get married before me. I was like nooooo! Cuz I always thought she would be the one to get hitched before me. And she did! Last 3 years she met this nice gentleman and last Saturday precisely 23 May 2015 my bestfriend got married!  👰 Oh how i miss the Gombak days and the earlier blogging days 👯👯👯 Feeling emotional right now But happy! xoxo - Amylia

May is like a light green fields, spacious and breezy. With daisies and daffodils. With girls in their ribbons and summer dresses. Playing and running. Laughing with blushes on their cheeks. Thats how I always imagine the month of May. Ill tell you more about June.  The thing is, usually before I planned to write an entry for this blog, Id always get some other ideas. And turned out to be something else. Hmmp.. Familiar? It starts with these Two words.. What if? I had all this life rewind moment ever since 3 of my closest cousins are / had been hitched this year. Of cuz their stories are / was not really kisah cinta agung. The greatest love of all, it was just like its so happened its time for them to get wed. Something like that.. I kept thinking, that i'd be the very last in the line. Seriously.. Why? And who am i to ask why? An imperfect girl with too many flaws, i deserve this unhappy ending. At least. But I did have some thinking.. What if all this while they are all the wrong...

Latenight watching tv Wish you be here beside me Lately I have been watching Sex and the City reruns on Stw as I stay up to finish the office works. Yeah I know, no life. But, c'est la vie.  So on the last few episode it was the moment when Carrie broke the engagement up with Aidan. And she was again single.. And Three Five. Charlotte did say something like in average a person would engaged in 2 greatest love relationship ever. Is it? It doesnt make sense.. But greatest love of all.. Hummph maybe.  Obviously i had one. Maybe two. I dont know. Could it be love?  Crazy. As crazy as I would stay up for Arsenal vs Chelsea tonight. That definitely related with the two things I wrote about just now.  just me - Amy

In the middle of working crisis, I managed to watch the reruns of my fave tv shows of all time - Sex and the City And I watched the episode where Carrie dated this jazz man, Ray King And to me apart of his hyperactiveness he is a very interesting guy. I want to meet someone like that Why not? So yesterday (sunday) after ff7 we had our teh tarik session and the shop next door had its werkly jamming session. And after placing the order i went to see and there he was, tall with a very budak baik haircut looked at me with his sax on his hand. What a sight! I had super crush on him like 5 years ago and having him at least noticed my appearance was something so meaningful :) lol

I know it's over And it never really began But in my heart it was so real And you even spoke to me and said: "If you're so funny Then why are you on your own tonight? And if you're so clever Then why are you on your own tonight? If you're so very entertaining Then why are you on your own tonight? If you're so very good looking Why do you sleep alone tonight? I know because tonight is just like any other night That's why you're on your own tonight With your triumphs and your charms While they are in each other's arms"

Heyya. Its 2015! Ill be 35 this year, yay! Im sorry for a very long pause. I was actually thinking to start up a new blog. A fresh start, but i love this one too much and i am who i was, so i decided to stay. So far, 2015 has been a bitch to me. I thought i have changed, when i realized i am not. Maybe not 100 percent. But i am now in a better shape. Physically and mentally.. There are times, when i was lost.. So lost. I couldnt see the lights. Few days earlier, i was shocked by some news i heard from someone too dear to my heart. I ignored her for days after that. I wasnt sure i was sad cuz of her decision to elope or the fact that she found her happiness earlier than mine.  Happiness, i doubt.  But, at least.. Yeah..  So yesterday i texted her.. And she sounds happy that at least i didnt gone for too long. Whatever it is, family is still a family. I may not support her on matter like this,. But, i cant stop her to go get her happiness. If you consider that a happiness....

Ive been drafting this entry a lot of time but I was a bit hesitate to blog about it. So much reason behind it and I was thinking too, to close this blog. But too sayang. I dun have much peeps around me to share stuff and I am pretty bad in expressing what I actually feel verbally. So, yeah.. Im keeping this blog. At least for myself. So, if I said Im fully wearing hijab should I delete my old pictures. Hmmm.. Maybe yes and maybe later. For now, all I could say is, past is past. A new Amy? I hope too InsyaAllah. Last friday, I had lunch treat by my sister-cousin. I asked whats the occasion, she said to celebrate the new Amy. Well.. Yes, minus hijab, minus 5 times a day and Quran reciting habit, I am the old me. Its just that, whenever I realized that Im wearing a hijab, I felt a bit surreal. But Im glad. I was thinking to wear when Id be 40. No, no, I changed my mind. I thought of 35. But... I was a little hesitate. I was like, how this how that. I gave myself 3 months to sta...

If you know me, you would know that i watched football since i was little. As young as i remember Fandi Ahmad. Seriously. But im not the hardcore type, i dont have my favorite team in EPL. I used to like Liverpool but that was it. I just not a club fan. But i do love World Cup. I followed World Cup since 1994 i guess? I was 14. And still i wasnt the type who watched every single matches. I was a student for God sake. I only watched the finals.  I dont know why for some club fan who annoyed with me as the part time / seasonal football fan. Just because wc happens every 4 years so  i was regarded as the seasonal fan.  The thing is, i was misspelled neuer name as never. And this one keyboard warrior pointed my mistake. Fine i get it.  But he proceed with the insulting comment like - this is what happened when a gal got hype suddenly during the wc season.  And i was like. Suddenly? Do u really know me.? He is basically just s fren i knew from a forum. Not really a p...

Aku kan menjadi malam malam mu Kan menjadi mimpi mimpi mu Dan selimuti hati mu Yang beku Aku kan menjadi bintang bintang mu Kan selalu menyinari mu Dan menghapus rasa rindu mu Yang pilu Aku bisa Untuk menjadi apa Yang kau minta Untuk menjadi apa Yang kau impikan Tapi ku tak bisa  Menjadi dirinya Aku kan menjadi embun pagi mu Yang kan menyejukkan jiwa mu Dan kan membasuh hati mu Yang layu Tinggalkan sejenak Bagi sedikit waktu Kepada ku tuk  Menyakinkan mu Too sweet ;)

I'm so bored and sad to hear about Neymar injury. So sad... I want Brazil at least in the final.  But actually, I want Germany to beat Netherlands so bad! Baju raya! xoxo - Amy