for you.
The first time I saw you through my window, you were on your bike and parked it. I knew you were the one I wanna live with, grow old with, be the man in the house and Imam to my family. I had been with few guys since I got the keys, but frankly you are my first true love. And the love was so different, I wanted you to be in my family.
However, not everything that we dream of could be real. The day I lost you, was the day I knew how much I love you. maybe I never showed it before, maybe I looked cold, maybe I didnt smile so much but with you was the happiest moment of my life.
Having to live without you then taught me that its really hurt when we miss someone. Tears was cheap and heartache was a friend of mine. As years went by, I decided to let you go. I let go of the hope. And there you were, I saw you back. What a small world God created, with over 1 mill of people in KL I saw you. Stood there very closed to me. Just couldnt believe my eyes.
When the love is dead I thought and with the fact you convinced me that I wasnt the one. I moved on. Never stop thinking of you, never stop loving you. Though you were placed right at the end of my heart. You are never forgotten.
This could still be a mystery, but I am a girl who does thing following her heart. I never thought of to talk back with you but I did attempt a communication. October 2009. It was my heart that eager to communicate with you, and you kept silent. I thought.. that was it.
But you accepted my inner calls. Then there you were, right beside me. You didnt change at all. You still got your smile, your warmth when you held my hand. I remember that touch, I remember that kiss, I remember that hug. Nothing change with you, you were the person after 2 year I should have meet. The same old Jiejie.
The first person I was sharing the updates was Mimi. One fine day I called her and said 'You will never believed this.. I saw him again and its...' I was speechless. How could I describe what I feel in words. You were someone I was crazy in love with and I lost you and now you were in front of me. All in flesh. My smile. It was you.
I was happy. Mimi was happy. She understands.
And the black cloud.
The day when my mouse drove me to some blog that having your wedding pictures in it. Trembled and down. This was what Nabil worried of. Me getting hurts again, by you. I tried to recall if you had told me you were married, No you said you are single and mingle. I remembered, and once again I collapsed.
Nabil and Mimi were the ones who were there to console. And Zai too. Nabil said the sweetest things while looking at the pictures. To keep me at peace, but I yelled to him. 'It supposed to be my wedding. My face!'
I didnt hear from him since then. For a while.
And thought of losing you with other girl kinda relief me that you finally taken care by a good girl. She looked nice though.. with covering her aurah and all. Your mom must be fond of her so much.
I thought that was it, but you were back with a different side of story. Though I didnt ask much, never meant I didnt care. I do care so much until I dont wanna see you saying the worst thing, the sad thing on you. I shutted my lips. Nadiah scolded me for not asking, I know you too well. You dont like to say things you dont proud and I wont ask to make you sad. All I know is, if its true, I will believe it.
And I do.
I dunno what I hope for with you, do I have a place in your future, are we serious.. I never dared asking. I know I wasnt the one and never be the one. I know I will never be with you at the end. I just hate to ask. Ask you .. ask myself. I know that whenever you are with me, I am content. I could die happily. I could die bringing my love with.
I never thought that the day will come. Today when you said ure leaving.. or you planned to leave.. doesnt matter cuz youre leaving.. you defintely will leave. I thought I would be ok..
I really thought I'd be okay.
I am not. Forever not okay. But its all about you.. not me. Please leave then.
Maybe someday.. I'd be okay.
Cahaya yang cerdik, yang tampan.
I love you.
Hushgirl currently listening to : The Only Exception
Paramore
The first time I saw you through my window, you were on your bike and parked it. I knew you were the one I wanna live with, grow old with, be the man in the house and Imam to my family. I had been with few guys since I got the keys, but frankly you are my first true love. And the love was so different, I wanted you to be in my family.
However, not everything that we dream of could be real. The day I lost you, was the day I knew how much I love you. maybe I never showed it before, maybe I looked cold, maybe I didnt smile so much but with you was the happiest moment of my life.
Having to live without you then taught me that its really hurt when we miss someone. Tears was cheap and heartache was a friend of mine. As years went by, I decided to let you go. I let go of the hope. And there you were, I saw you back. What a small world God created, with over 1 mill of people in KL I saw you. Stood there very closed to me. Just couldnt believe my eyes.
When the love is dead I thought and with the fact you convinced me that I wasnt the one. I moved on. Never stop thinking of you, never stop loving you. Though you were placed right at the end of my heart. You are never forgotten.
This could still be a mystery, but I am a girl who does thing following her heart. I never thought of to talk back with you but I did attempt a communication. October 2009. It was my heart that eager to communicate with you, and you kept silent. I thought.. that was it.
But you accepted my inner calls. Then there you were, right beside me. You didnt change at all. You still got your smile, your warmth when you held my hand. I remember that touch, I remember that kiss, I remember that hug. Nothing change with you, you were the person after 2 year I should have meet. The same old Jiejie.
The first person I was sharing the updates was Mimi. One fine day I called her and said 'You will never believed this.. I saw him again and its...' I was speechless. How could I describe what I feel in words. You were someone I was crazy in love with and I lost you and now you were in front of me. All in flesh. My smile. It was you.
I was happy. Mimi was happy. She understands.
And the black cloud.
The day when my mouse drove me to some blog that having your wedding pictures in it. Trembled and down. This was what Nabil worried of. Me getting hurts again, by you. I tried to recall if you had told me you were married, No you said you are single and mingle. I remembered, and once again I collapsed.
Nabil and Mimi were the ones who were there to console. And Zai too. Nabil said the sweetest things while looking at the pictures. To keep me at peace, but I yelled to him. 'It supposed to be my wedding. My face!'
I didnt hear from him since then. For a while.
And thought of losing you with other girl kinda relief me that you finally taken care by a good girl. She looked nice though.. with covering her aurah and all. Your mom must be fond of her so much.
I thought that was it, but you were back with a different side of story. Though I didnt ask much, never meant I didnt care. I do care so much until I dont wanna see you saying the worst thing, the sad thing on you. I shutted my lips. Nadiah scolded me for not asking, I know you too well. You dont like to say things you dont proud and I wont ask to make you sad. All I know is, if its true, I will believe it.
And I do.
I dunno what I hope for with you, do I have a place in your future, are we serious.. I never dared asking. I know I wasnt the one and never be the one. I know I will never be with you at the end. I just hate to ask. Ask you .. ask myself. I know that whenever you are with me, I am content. I could die happily. I could die bringing my love with.
I never thought that the day will come. Today when you said ure leaving.. or you planned to leave.. doesnt matter cuz youre leaving.. you defintely will leave. I thought I would be ok..
I really thought I'd be okay.
I am not. Forever not okay. But its all about you.. not me. Please leave then.
Maybe someday.. I'd be okay.
Cahaya yang cerdik, yang tampan.
I love you.
Hushgirl currently listening to : The Only Exception
Paramore