Emotion Sickness

I finally asked my bff a random question ive been shooting other bff to. Lol So I confessed that I have been stalking my ex- soulmate instagram account.
I mean how wouldnt i do it? I was already lost n depressed.
I thought it wont affect me.
Indeed, it did. Fucking hard.

But seeing his chubby yet high cheekbones put a smile on my face. You know the feeling when somebody who used to make you happy and hurt on the same time, its twisted yes, but im so glad i am happy seeing him happy!

Even my bff agreed he has a nice life. Good job, pretty wife and cutest couple of baby girls.
Yes im happy.
I never seen my life having all that. Maybe thats the reason.

I love you anyways.
:)

This is the last emotional entry I'll try

Nothing Emotional

It is another working weekend and im killing time to blog. It doesnt excite me to blog since im not emo at all. I miss Nabil. Not really sure what kinda of missing is this. Definitely not the same kind he has to me but thats purely my assumption. He said i might be wrong. Hmm 🤔 Its kinda like missing Chris Martin. Somebody u listen to too much but u know u wont get him in the end. Well, also same as with missing my old xman. The soulmate , you know. Hurm, maybe i shud miss myself me. Me in Bali. Yes i miss Bali. Your love shines

The Confession of ...

When I was 17, I had this sexual fantasy. Of course, as a teenager the curiosity is above everything. Obviously if its regarding an opposite gender, it must be related with sex. So I had this sexual fantasy involving a hot musician. Tall slim and white. :D With freaky hairdo. He is beyond HOT! and he is the very own Stefan Olsdal of Placebo. and when I know his sexual orientation.. it didnt washed out the heat.. it was getting hotter :D owh yeah, Stefan is in KL today.. I would be so close to him ( but not at the gig. ) p/s : and if u are wondering, I never had sexual fantasy on Brandon Boyd. even from this pic, I find his ribs are so sexy! i amended this pic.. to hide the girl's you-know-what. Hushgirl currently listening to : -

and All I can think of..

I thot I was ok. I lied. Today I talked to Nabil and I thought I was ok. I guessed I am. But the moment he left, I imagined things, and I know If I am ok, I wont imagine things. I kept asking myself this is what I want. Nabil as nobody and I feel nothing. What if one day he tell me that he's getting married? He found the one? or He is sleeping with someIt girl, on regular basis. Nobody's an angel. He is not. I would faint. I know half of me will die So I decided that this is it. And I promise, this is it. Its really hurts... And I thot there is somebody who would be there. I was wrong. He got back here but never seen me. Never spare some of his minutes to see me. I was completely wrong. I dunno where I am in his heart. Maybe there is no place at all. And I thought he could make me happy. Cuz he did. He is not a rebound. He is an old flame. My last torch of light. My life map. ... and now Im lost... again. note : I promise there wud be happier entries in the future. I need some ...

Musical Life of Hushgirl

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