and All I can think of..

I thot I was ok. I lied.

Today I talked to Nabil and I thought I was ok. I guessed I am. But the moment he left, I imagined things, and I know If I am ok, I wont imagine things. I kept asking myself this is what I want. Nabil as nobody and I feel nothing.

What if one day he tell me that he's getting married? He found the one? or He is sleeping with someIt girl, on regular basis. Nobody's an angel. He is not.

I would faint. I know half of me will die

So I decided that this is it. And I promise, this is it. Its really hurts...



And I thot there is somebody who would be there. I was wrong. He got back here but never seen me. Never spare some of his minutes to see me. I was completely wrong. I dunno where I am in his heart. Maybe there is no place at all.

And I thought he could make me happy. Cuz he did. He is not a rebound. He is an old flame. My last torch of light. My life map.


... and now Im lost... again.




note : I promise there wud be happier entries in the future. I need some times.


Hushgirl currently listening to : Untitled | Silverchair